YOU COOLED ME THROUGH
Love sounds different for a small
town high school boy whose only world is his parents and study. Who never knows
how to talk with girls? Still he falls in love with someone in that age where
he still is young to understand what love is. When he speaks his heart…………….
7th
November 2006. The day witnessed a remarkable transform in my life. I was much
excited as it was the 1st time I was going out of my state that also
with my school friends to participate the National Integration scout camp in
Delhi. But that was waiting for me with some sweet surprise which altered my
life. The guy who was identified as a studious, well mannered, ideal student
among his friends circle, teachers, guardians and locality was going to meet
someone special, his first love.
I was waiting with my
friends at the Angul station for our train to come. Excitation was kissing the
sky as it was special to represent the state in National level for a class9
student. Friends, means masti, and we were doing exactly that when a madam with
a group of girls arrived there. One of my friends commented ‘life will be a
heaven if the girls go with us.’ He was not wrong and I knew it when their
madam came and spoke to our sir. Yeah, they were also going to Delhi for same
scout camp.
‘Swarup,’ sir called me
and introduced with madam as I was the favorite of the teacher. Madam told me
as we were going to stay 10 days together, so we should have a co-operation
with each other. I joined my gang returning from there. But this time situation
was different. There was a hot n spicy discussion. I only could listen, ‘that
pink wali is mine.’ ‘White is for me.’ ‘No, no. pink wali z mine n your bhabi
only.’ They already had reserved the girls among them like reservation betrhs.
My eyes also took a glance over them and stayed on a girl in pink kurti. I
could guess why there was a shout for the pink.
She was simply stunning.
The pink dress was looking best for the tall, slim, rosy girl with round face.
Her wavy bushy hair was kissing her bare back. I had no idea what was going on
with me. ‘that pink is mine.’ I decided when the train horn brought me out of
her thought. We got up to the train with all our luggage, 56 seats in a berth
was reserved for Odia students for the camp. Only one thought was going on my
mind- her name. I had no idea how to get that.
“Swarup, come here.”
Sir called me and introduced with some other teachers from different schools
who were going to be with as our team members. Then I was assigned to manage my
friends. But my legs, eyes all dragged me to her. I managed to take a seat on
the upper berth from where their gang was clearly visible. I looked at her. She
sat idle for a while, put her spectacles on and opened her science book. I was
enjoying another studious person like me. Still I was careful for no one to
notice me as I didn’t wish my reputation to be spoiled.
It was evening and I was
yet to know her name. Our sir called me to a non formal meeting where all
teachers and a student from each school were discussing about what to do there.
I found her there standing by her madam only nodding when sir was explaining
the schedule. Her face was always ornamented with a sweet smile. I was lost in
that smile. After meeting I joined my friends but my eyes and heart were at her
while their group was busy with Antakshari. I got caught at her sight number of
times staring her. The whole night passed only in thinking how to get her name.
But the morning was waiting with the answer.
I opened my eyes when
sir asked me to bring jam from Dipti madam and I obeyed him. When I asked madam
for it she shouted, “Asha, give jam here.” In no minutes she came with the bottle
and passed me. Still I wasn’t confirmed whether it was her name or not; so I
took another chance by asking our sir to bring a note from anyone of their
school to know what they were taught and sir agreed me and I was sent for the
note again. “Asha, bring your note.” Again madam shouted. She came with a note
and passed it to me saying “madam, he can’t read my handwriting, so it is
Kalpana’s note.” I came with the note and gave to sir and he started discussion
in which I was not interested. I was happy only because I knew her name, Asha.
Asha spread a new asha in me. An additional reason to be happy was as per my
guess she was the topper of their school, my type girl.
I was still searching
for chance to talk with her but my ego and fear didn’t let it happen though our
journey was already over with the arrival of Nizamuddin station and our
destination was a 1km walk from there. Everyone of us was packed with two bags
except me as I was blessed with a brother who was staying in Delhi and then he
was walking with my bags. A girl from there group asked for a help to carry her
bag in which I remained silent. Another girl commented “scout promises says to
help others.” This time I spoke to anyone in their group telling “scout
promises also teaches to do your work yourself.” My friend Nath supported me
telling, “don’t teach him rule; he is the best scout of our school.” This time
Asha came with the reply, “that’s why he is so proud.” Her attitude brought
smile in me as it was another character identical in us.
It was the next day when
our group started for Tajmahal in a hired bus. We were in the bus when their
team arrived searching for hanuman. Actually last night my friend Alok had
fallen down from bed in his sleep and news was spread to them. By that time Alok
was sitting by my side everyone was coming to see him. He was feeling shy and
also murmuring some slang. This time Asha came and asked, “are you that guy who
fell down from bed last night.” Alok was embarrassed this time so I asked, “is
there any problem?” she replied with, “I am asking him, not you?” My ego was
telling me to reply but my love stopped me.
She was just at back
seat and I had a lot to talk with her but again that fear what others will
think of me restricted me. This time a music sir accompanied with us suggested
for antakshari, which was none if my business. So, I and my friends started
opposing the idea but she was leading the supporting side. It was better to
withdraw from the competition than argument so I maintained silence and losing
their leader also my friends remained quiet. Soon the antakshari began. For the
1st time I was enjoying it only because she was happy with it.
But the quarrel story
wasn’t over here. It continued in Tajmahal also. The place which is the symbol
the love for all, witnessed my hate story with my ladylove. We were supposed to
go in two rows, one for boys and another for girls. I was leading the boys’ line
and she was doing the same and an undeclared competition took place to go 1st.
Both were trying to go ahead. The similar story continued the whole day and she
always was giving me how-arrogant-boy look, and I also gave how-proud-girl
look. The fight reached evening when our bus faced an engine problem and we had
to return by local bus. Getting a bus for 56 people wasn’t an easy task and
after number of efforts finally we got a canter having only 30 capacities. We
rushed to get the seats and got succeeded. Again lady hitler Asha had a
complain as she was in standing list. This time the fight was rather a battle
which ended with everyone’s silence. They decided not to talk with us.
Things were turning
worse and that reflected in our group when my classmates denied taking part in
group song with them. I found myself guilty for it and also I was dying to talk
with her. Every time her presence was torturing me. My ego, respect all were
buried and only I was thinking of her. As I was responsible for all these I
thought it was me who only had the capability to make things as before. I was
missing my Asha and her smile.
This time we had to show
marriage in our tradition and it was previously decided that girls would play
both bride and groom. I first showed interest in taking part in it and no one
opposed me. I had to play groom’s father and unfortunately she was the groom.
It was the golden opportunity to talk with her. She was dressed in Punjabi
sherwani and my ill fate I was in dhoti as I had to gain an old man look. After
4 days I was going to talk to her. I thought it thousand times what to tell and
finally came up with a stupid question, “Why are you in high heel when you are
a boy now?” She gave me a strange look and a stupid like me was worth of it. But
when she opened her mouth it was strange. “No, actually I couldn’t find any
other substitute, don’t worry I’ll go on stage bare foot.” She replied as
nothing had happened before. Was she thinking the same what I was thinking. But
our performance was very good and after that she came and congratulated me for
support and forwarded her hand for a shake. 1st time in my life I
was going to shake hand with a girl. I shook my hand bowing my head as I was
feeling shy to have an eye contact then.
I couldn’t know how
another 3 days passed and our camp got over but our return schedule was two
days ahead as we had planned it before to visit Delhi. The same day we started
in a local bus as we couldn’t get a reserved one. This time story was little
different. They were in sitting list and we were in standing. She was in a two
seated seat with her best friend Kalpana. Seeing me she told Kalpana to adjust
a little and asked me to have a seat. But I denied and it was the reason was
only shyness. Kalpana asked, “Who comes 1st in your school?” though
I come in this position still I pointed towards Nath who was 2nd in
class. Both smiled looking towards him while he had no idea what was going on.
He came to us and both congratulated him for being 1st in class. He
was looking surprising towards me and told, “Who told you, this sir enjoys that
seat.” He told putting his hand on me. My lie was caught. “Are we taking away
your knowledge?” Asha asked. I remained silent. Bit Kalpana managed it telling,
“Trying to be smart na?” again our conversation started as before. She took my
promise to make the next day visit together.
Nath asked me about her
that night and I admitted before him that ‘I LOVE HER’. He suggested me to
propose her immediately as we had only 3 days including 2 days return journey. But
I was helpless. I was afraid that it may cause our relation break. I didn’t
wish to lose her. I wished her to be a part of my life, not may be as a lover
but as a friend. I decided not to tell her this thing. The next day we roamed
together, had a lot of talk, she invited me come her home. I again thought of
telling her about my feelings. But these happy moments restricted me again. I
didn’t think of losing those moments.
In the evening while
returning she asked me to come to their room to spend time together. As the
camp was over and we were the only state to vacate the place there was no
restriction in going her room but I was not that lucky enough. I had to go to
my brother’s room that night. This time she was little sad with this news and
told me not to go. I wished I could obey her but I was helpless. I promised to
spend the total time in train with her.
The next day bhai left
me in station. I got inside it. Asha was wise to set everything in which my
friends Nath and sourav had a hand also. Only I berth was vacant when I reached
and that was by her side. She gave me a mischievous smile. Nath again whispered
in my ear not to miss the chance to propose her. This time I put all my courage
to ask her. We both were talking sitting on a seat together. Everytime I
thought of telling her that smiling face resisted me. Her innocent smile,
friendly talk told not let me speak my heart. I couldn’t think of seeing the
relation breaking only because of those words. She had belief on me and I
didn’t want to be a culprit before her.
The train reached Angul
station where she bid me goodbye and wished we should meet soon. But I had
never thought that was going to be our last meeting. I couldn’t tell her in
fear of losing her but my mistake made me lose her forever. But I never think I
lost her. She is within me; she made a studious arrogant guy realize the life.
She taught me to love people. Today that Swarup is dead; it is someone else.
Yes, till today I love her, I feel her in my breath, I feel her when I find myself
worried, caring for someone. SHE IS ALWAYS WITHIN ME, AND REMAIN FOREVER. My
lovestory isn’t romantic at all like everyone. But MY LOVE IS MY INSPIRATION. I
can’t say if it was love or not but still I ask myself IF THIS ISN’T LOVE……..
